Black Woman, Breathe.
I’ve been listening to the #GirlTrek Black History Bootcamp podcast for about 13 days and a constant statement from one of the hosts, Morgan Dixon, that rings so clearly in my head is “the act of breathing for Black women is radical.” I’ve seen first hand how breathing affects me and other Black women. Rarely am I even given space to breathe and not having that space was taking such a toll on me and my body. The lyrics of RILEY’s song “A moment”, comes to mind.
“I don't have much pride
I'll put that aside
To get back to me”
Her lyrics perfectly describe the fight Black women go through, our pride often gets in the way of our healing, until we reach a breaking point. I’ve been in such a reflective and restorative space since the Global pandemic and Global Uprisings happened literally at the same time.I purposefully made it a priority to take care of my mental and physical health and honestly, I almost fell back into old habits as the uprisings reached a height because of the anxiety I was feeling.
That’s why the title of this post is an action statement. I say that because for years I didn’t breathe. I didn’t pause and sit with my feelings or emotions, I didn’t give myself grace or practice mindfulness, and as an effect of that my body took on that trauma. Morgan said something the other day when she was telling a story about starting yoga that really made me think and reflect. She talked about how Black women have such thick armor, and that we don’t have an obesity crisis, we have a trauma crisis. “Obesity was the most intelligent bodily reaction we could have to protect us from the darts and arrows attacking us”, she said. Hearing this was hard because it’s true. For the last few days, I’ve had to come to terms with knowing that I dealt with my own personal trauma by hiding within myself. And it’s a very hard realization to come to emotionally because I feel shame and guilt for treating myself that way.
Sitting with those emotions while also acknowledging that I don’t owe myself judgment for those decisions is difficult. I’ve talked to my therapist a lot recently about that, and just about how change and growth, in general, can be difficult. I had no problem with how I looked before losing weight, and now I realize that beyond having confidence, I was also using my body as armor and protection. But I can’t do that my entire life. I’ve seen how carrying that emotional weight and trauma in your body has caused long term effects in Black women. Stress and High Blood Pressure are literally killing Black women, and I refuse to let that happen to me. Although, I’m not completely comfortable with watching the armor I’ve built, shed away, I am becoming more content with knowing I’m giving my body what it actually needs to heal.
Showing up for myself at my yoga mat every day and breathing and setting intentions for myself is what’s healing my trauma.
Practicing new breathing techniques and mindfulness is healing my trauma.
And putting myself and my needs first and blocking people who refuse to understand that need, is healing my trauma.
I hope this inspires a Black woman to breathe, to sincerely take out the time and put yourself first, and to take on addressing and healing their own traumas. I’ve tagged a few links below of a 30-day meditation challenge by a Black woman to get you started.
Meditation for mindfulness - https://youtu.be/DLMVZrfDmG8
Meditation for concentration - https://youtu.be/f-miFtLRnUE
Meditation for Self-Love - https://youtu.be/Q9EJHufVB1c
Meditation for Emotional Release - https://youtu.be/TsIxicVOIjg