There’s nothing wrong with being a Goal Digger

I was talking to a brilliant woman last night, someone I consider family. We were discussing women, contradictions, gender roles, etc. I find it outrageous that in this day and age women are still expected to be housewives and take care of children their entire life. They're not expected to be career-minded or goal diggers as I like to say, and if they go to college it's assumed it's to find a husband. Then women who don't follow this expected conclusion are looked down on, and it's assumed you think you don't need a man, and that couldn't be farther from the truth. It means I have dreams and goals I'd like to reach that I'm fully focused on. But if you're a strong man, career minded, in college, you're the perfect catch. The double standards are unparalleled.

My favorite example of this bias is actually in sports. In Tennessee for example, Women sports at the college I attended performed better, but people more often bought season tickets for the men's teams. People would literally rather watch a man lose and uplift him than watch a woman win and give her the same encouragement. That's not how I was raised. My mother and the other women in my life are the strongest women I know, and they raised me to be the same. My hope is soon people will accept that we're all different and not all women will conform to society's views of them. But even if they don't accept it, just be you.

Take me for example, I'm pretty sure I hold the world record for saying dude the most times in a day, I carry a pocket version of the US constitution, and I love Archie comics. All random things that make me unique, but if I listened to society's standards and policed my language because I'm a woman and I'm supposed to present myself a certain way, that would take away from my personality. I find it interesting that we as a society talk about the importance of individuality so much, but when someone shows it they're considered weird or abnormal. It's so intriguing to me how we encourage humans from birth to adulthood to stand out and be different while also imposing standards on them to be like everyone else. We're told to go to school, get good grades, graduate get a job, and raise a family. But what if that's not what I want? What if my definition of family is a cat and a dog, versus your definition of three kids? We should be just as accepting of that person's reality as we are of the married couple with kids and a dog, but I rarely see that acceptance.

I've seen first hand how pretending to be something you're not just to please others makes you stressed and depressed. In this current age I've noticed the trend of millennials trying to find how they fit in in this adulting world. Mainstream media doesn't talk about it, but know that you're not alone, and i

t is hard. It can be so difficult and stressful to acclimate to a 9-5 and actually be yourself because you have "Society" and patriarchal standards whispering in your ear that you need to change this and be that. As if being yourself isn't enough. I remember when I started my first job after college in a office and all the women felt the need to impose their values on to me so that I could "get a husband". I vividly remember telling them, "I'm 22 and I'm still finding myself, so I'm definitely not looking for a husband". They didn't get it though, so I had to make the choice to be okay with not being friends with them because their contribution to my life wasn't what I needed at that time.

What's most important though is that when you're content and in love with yourself societal standards are a thing of the past. People's criticism and comments roll off your skin like butter. That's not an easy place to get to by any means. But you can do it, you have the will and most importantly the determination to make it happen.

So Amberism #2 is Just be you.

Happy #MotivationMonday