It’s been a hell of a year

I’m taking time to reflect and look back over the year. If I’m being honest it really was a good one. I had very tough decisions to make, a lot of adulting, a bit of rejection, and accomplished things I thought I never would. 

Like most people, I’ve been listening to “My little love” by Adele on repeat because it’s such a surreal song I resonate so deeply with. When Adele talks about not really knowing what she’s doing and being confused, I felt her. Cuz I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time and sometimes you just need to hear that someone else feels the same way to be validated. 

I have a habit of becoming obsessed with songs, and in Adele’s case I’m obsessed with the whole album. To me it tells a very coming of age story, and validates the need to feel your feelings so you can make it through. I started sitting with my feelings and emotions the most in the past two years and I notice such a huge difference in how I process situations and respond. 

Even with that progress I still had my moments. I went to jail this year for standing up for Black folks in pre-trial detention and I was scared as a mf. No matter how much you “prepare” for something you really never feel prepared enough. I went over in my head over and over again what the process would be like but once I was actually inside the jail I was freaking the fuck out. I definitely thought they weren’t going to release me and had an entire panic attack about it in my head. But when they did release me I made a tiktok video outside cuz you can’t keep a real nigga down and I’d do it all over again. 

I focused more on the things I wanted this year and it was so rewarding for my mindset. I don’t think it’s talked about enough how fulfilling walking in your purpose is. In previous years I’ve been so depressed from the sheer fact that my job wasn’t in a field where I actually got to use my knowledge and skill set I gained in college. The areas I was most passionate about were stifled so I could afford a livelihood and I was slowly sinking deeper and deeper because of it. 

This year I continued my yoga practice, developed my personal branding, focused of my research and having it featured in publications, won two awards, and even gave a lecture at a law school. I had so many realizations about how crippling my personal fears were to my success and how it was fueling my depression. So I started tackling them, starting with the smallest and even tackled one of my biggest fears, something I definitely thought I’d never do. 

I maintained over 100 lbs in weight loss and started strength training to build more muscle and it was hard. I mainly practiced strengthening yoga and I started to fall, a lot, because I was doing harder moves and that just happens. Still, it was difficult and I quit for a few weeks out of frustration. But now I’m doing intermediate yoga and going into year three of my practice as a brand ambassador for Beyond Yoga. 

In 2022 I’m looking forward to the all the wins and loses. It took me years but I’m finally putting myself absolutely first, I have the best boundaries I’ve ever had and it’s honestly what’s saved my sanity. 

In “Rose in the Dark” Cleo Sol sings,

“Then the light came up, baby
Right after I forgave me
And I prayed so hard, I thought I’d lose my mind
I’m a little stronger, baby
Took a little longer, maybe
Tell my younger self to enjoy the ride”

And these lyrics summed up the year perfectly for me. I’m no longer focusing on how long something took but the fact that I accomplished it. 

Happy New Year.